


Acatalepsy

by Elivra



Series: Tender Nothings [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Unresolved Romantic Tension, no smut sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 09:59:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13187727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elivra/pseuds/Elivra
Summary: Acatalepsy - (n) the unknowableness of all things to a certainty. Something is up with the Survey Corps and their brand new Commander, and Levi comes to a better understanding of both. Canonverse, manga spoilers for Levi and Erwin's backstory. Rated for language.This story can be read individually or as ordered chronologically inTender Nothings.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! And totally obsessed with Eruri right now, because goddamn, are they an amazing couple. As the mentioned in the summary, this here is set in canonverse. You'll see soon enough when and where exactly. :) There will be three chapters, so more updates coming up soon!
> 
> Happy reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: Not me, not mine.

 

* * *

_**Chapter I** _

"Some change sir? Spare some change for a starving soul, sir."

"Tch." He'd been aware, of course, of the pile of rags on the street corner. What he hadn't expected was the vise-like grip of the person in the rags.

Wordlessly, he yanked his cloak away, ignoring the throaty " _Please_!" and almost turned away. Almost.

A flash of bright red peeked through the rags -a red that couldn't be naturally possible, but Levi knew it was. Just a small glimpse of a fringe of lank red hair, and it was almost enough to undo him.

Almost.

He wasn't religious in the slightest, but he had to think that if there was some omnipotent being that directed the events of his world, the person had to have a fucked-up sense of humour.

Levi didn't mind. Had he not been the butt of this particular joke, he probably would have laughed, too.

Feeling strangely ashamed, hoping no one saw him do it, Levi thrust his hand into the folds of his coat, and brought out whatever spare change he had outside his coin purse (it wasn't much); he thrust the coins at the rags and strode away without risking a second glance.

He entered the Headquarters without being accosted, so he figured no one had observed him. Good. He stopped for a moment in the courtyard, wondering whether or not to go antagonise the new recruits. His mood would be improved, of course, but then Erwin would insist on lecturing him. _Ugh_.

Before he could decide, the man himself walked into his line of sight.

As always, seeing Erwin Smith gave Levi an involuntary urge to break, stab or punch something. He wasn't sure why he got these violent urges, now that his feelings toward Erwin had changed since he had first met him. It had been hate at first, which slowly turned to antagonism, which in turn changed to annoyance. Levi could say with much certainty now that he did not hate Erwin Smith. And yet, his insides churned with a need for beating the _shit_ out of Erwin's symmetrical face.

"Levi," the man said in his usual perfunctory manner. "We need to talk."

Without another word he turned away and walked toward his office, clearly expecting Levi to follow. And that was exactly what Levi did, damn his blue fucking eyes to hell.

"Sit."

Levi closed the door behind him slowly. Since being made Commander, Erwin had turned more cold, more distant. The man sitting behind the big desk now was as pale and as still as a marble statue.

Levi sat on his usual chair near the window and crossed his arms and legs. He didn't say anything, but waited for his boss to speak.

"I'll be heading to Mitras tomorrow. I'd like it if you could join me."

Levi raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because I need you to."

"I fucking hate parties, Erwin."

"We're not going to a party."

"Something worse, then? You look like you just ate shit."

A small cringe between his bushy eyebrows showed Erwin's opinion of Levi's humour. Levi cheered himself inwardly for getting the man to fucking emote for once.

"Yes, you could say that," Erwin mused and shuffled some papers on his desk. "We have an audience with the King."

Levi narrowed his eyes. " _We_?"

"I'm allowed to bring one other member of the Corps with me."

"You don't want Mike?"

"Mike has things to do here."

"And I don't?" Levi stood up abruptly, facing the window. "Why the fuck do you want _me_ , Erwin?"

"Is there a problem?" Levi turned to see a curious gleam in Erwin's blue eyes. "You don't want to go to Mitras?"

"I hate that place," Levi spat. "I swore I wouldn't go back."

" _Back_ -ah. I see."

Erwin shot him one of those understanding glances, the ones that made Levi want to throttle him. Of course he understood. Because he was Erwin fucking Smith and he understood _everything_.

"I'm sorry," Erwin said, surprising Levi. "I know you don't want to go back there, but," Erwin looked at the papers, "I need _you_ , Levi."

This time, Levi understood that look. He had been in the Survey Corps for a little over two years and he knew this look of Erwin's very well. One of his more constipated looks, this was reserved for Hange's drunken rambles and one other common occurrence.

"They talking shit about the Survey Corps again, huh?"

"How did you know?"

"You look like you've been constipated for three whole days."

The corners of Erwin's mouth twitched. "Three days is very specific."

Levi shrugged and flopped onto his chair again. "Single day constipation is your default look. Two days is when someone treats women or animals like shit. Three days is when someone treats your _beloved_ Corps like shit. Four is when someone insults your friends. I've never seen five, but that's probably what you'll look like when you actually are constipated."

"That's… pretty thorough." Erwin looked moderately impressed.

Levi shrugged. "I can get bored sometimes."

"You surprise me."

Levi shot a glance at Erwin. Was that fucking _sarcasm_?

To his supreme annoyance, Erwin was indeed smirking. "Well, then. What is your response, Levi? Will you join me?"

"You're _asking_ me?"

"Yes."

Levi had to fight to keep his expression steady. Something was up. Erwin never _asked_ him to do things. He commanded; Levi obeyed. It was very simple, their relationship.

"And if I say no?"

Erwin rolled his shoulders in a slow shrug, his eyes never leaving Levi's.

Levi let out a huff of breath and made himself look away. "Fine. I'll come."

Erwin's posture visibly relaxed. "Thank you."

"Whatever." Levi stood up. "How long do I have to be there?"

"No more than a day or two." Before Levi could ask, he continued, "I can't stay any longer than that, either."

Levi grunted. "Right. I'll pack."

Erwin only nodded and turned to his desk. Levi hadn't expected anything else and strode out of the office.

* * *

"Hey, Levi!"

Levi sighed internally, but kept walking.

"Oi! _Levi_!" The shout was loud enough to be heard across the courtyard, damn the woman's loud voice.

Unable to ignore her anymore, he stopped and waited for her to catch up to him.

"Do you have a minute?"

"Is a minute enough?" He asked her.

"Well, depends on how much you can tell me," she said, answering his question seriously.

He bit back a sigh. "What is it?"

"I hear you're going to the Capital with Erwin?"

He didn't reply, simply waited for her to continue.

"Do you know what it's about?"

"What makes you think I'd tell you, Four-eyes?"

Hange crossed her arms over her chest, eyes narrowing. "This is serious, Levi."

"Yeah? I thought it was a circus act all along."

"Fuck you," Hange said, her voice deceptively calm. At her strong words, Levi was forced to look at her, and was troubled by what he saw.

"What is it? What's wrong?" He asked her. If Hange was this serious, there had to be _something_ wrong.

Hange glared at him for a long, uncomfortable moment, before sighing. "There are rumours. Of promotions. And of some teams being reshuffled."

"And that's bad because…"

Hange clenched her jaw. "No one's died."

Levi stared at her and she scoffed, "Oh don't play dumb, Levi. You know what I mean. Promotions in the Survey Corps don't happen unless there are vacancies. And there only vacancies if someone dies." She paused, her mouth set in a grim line. "It's been a while since our last expedition. There are no vacancies."

Levi understood. Something was definitely wrong, but he tried to play down his concern. "People could be resigning, for all you know. Look at Erwin's promotion."

Hange sighed. "I hope to all the non-existent gods that that's the case."

"You think that's what our trip to the Capital is about?"

"You don't really know," Hange observed. "Well, we'll find out. We definitely need information. _Official_ answers. The rumours aren't helping."

"Why aren't you asking Erwin?"

"What makes you think I haven't asked him?" She muttered shortly. "Unfortunately, that new bolo tie of his seems to have come with an added stick up his ass."

Levi snorted. Hange smiled reluctantly. "Ah, forget it." She sighed. "I know he's trying, bless his stone-cold heart."

They walked in silence for some moments.

"You'll tell me what happens when you return?"

Levi avoided her intent gaze. "If that's even what this trip is about," he muttered.

To his surprise and extreme annoyance, Hange grinned suddenly. "True. For all I know this is just a _private_ trip. Just the two of you."

"What the fuck, Hange?" He growled.

All seriousness had left her face just as abruptly as it had appeared. "Aww, don't pretend, Levi. I've seen you two make eyes at each other-"

"Say another word and I will disembowel you," he snapped. "Here and now. Without hesitation."

"My lips are sealed," she said archly. "What you do with _yours_ -" With a whoop of laughter she evaded his angry fist and scampered away.

Fucking Shitty-glasses and her shitty fucking mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It is my firm headcanon that it's an open secret in the Corps that the Commander and the irascible little Captain have a thing going on. No one talks about that though, except Hange, because she is badass that way.
> 
> Levi is deeply affected by the sight of bright red hair. I wonder why. *laughs hysterically*
> 
> "Mitras" is the name of the Walled Country's capital city (located right in the centre of Wall Sina), as confirmed in the manga.
> 
> As always, please let me know what you think of the chapter! Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for some explanations. What is going on in the Survey Corps and what exactly is the meeting with the King about? Read on...
> 
> Thanks so much for your appreciation! I'm really glad you guys like this little fic of mine. :)
> 
> Also, MANGA SPOILERS FOR LEVI'S BACKSTORY. I have edited the summary with this info.
> 
> Happy reading!

 

* * *

_**Chapter II** _

"Stop the carriage."

Erwin, who had been in the midst of perusing some papers, looked up at Levi.

"What?"

"Stop the carriage. We're walking."

Erwin looked at him for one long moment before rapping on the window behind the coachman.

"Stop here, please. We're getting down."

The coachman stopped the carriage without a word. Levi held one of Erwin's cases before he could protest, and started walking even before the carriage had left.

Erwin, with his long-ass legs, caught up with him soon enough. Levi felt grudging appreciation at how accommodating Erwin was being. He wondered if he already knew why Levi was acting like this.

"Where is this?" Erwin asked after two minutes of walking. Of course he fucking knew.

"We're barely two blocks from the Palace, Erwin."

"I know the streets of Mitras well, Levi."

Levi was quiet. When they were less than a block away, he finally muttered, "We just crossed into the Upper Shelves."

"Upper Shelves," Erwin murmured. "When I read of that place as a child, I always wanted to go see it. It seemed magical to me somehow, a place named after furniture."

"It seemed magical to me too," Levi said shortly, glancing at an ornate fountain that they passed by. "Then I actually saw the place. It was just as dark as my shitty home."

Erwin looked at him. "And where was that?"

"What?"

"Your home?"

Levi stopped abruptly, Erwin in the next second. "Back there." He didn't point.

Erwin looked back at the way they had come. A pristine residential neighbourhood lay behind them, with wide tree-lined streets and grand houses with imposing doorways.

"Not too far," Erwin said slowly.

Levi snorted. "No. Whores are kept away, but never too far away."

Erwin froze and Levi nearly kicked himself. _He didn't know, he hadn't told him yet_. Erwin felt so familiar now that the fact that they barely knew each other was jarring. And Erwin always acted so understanding, like he knew everything. But of course he didn't know what Levi's mother had been. Very few people did.

 _Well, fuck_. Levi thought dully.

They looked at each other helplessly for several long moments, at a loss for words. Then Levi turned away violently. "Come on. You don't want to make royalty wait."

They walked in silence to the palace.

* * *

Levi had been to the throne room before, and had already seen the King. This time, they went to the Council Chamber, but his impression of the King remained the same.

"The most bored man in existence," Levi had told Erwin, who had smiled.

His Royal Highness King Fritz looked down at Levi (even in the smaller meeting room his chair had to be fucking raised) with the same sort of resigned langour as he had a year ago.

"Your Majesty."

Both of them did the customary salute and added the extra bow to the King. No, it didn't rankle within Levi to have to bow to someone; he wasn't a fucking firebrand, thank you very much. Levi was strong, sure, but that bored old man had _power._ Levi understood power, and kept his distance from it.

Erwin, however, seemed forever shrouded in a miasma of dangerous power. It was impressive and terrifying at the same time.

"Commander Erwin Smith, Captain Levi."

One of the noblemen, Levi hadn't bothered retaining his name, looked less than pleased at seeing him.

"Our discussions here were supposed to be confidential, Commander Erwin."

"Captain Levi is here to help with the planning of the logistics," Erwin said in his usual polite cadence. "I have told him nothing yet."

 _This is bad_ , Levi realised. Erwin always planned ahead, always had contingencies in place. Levi knew, because Erwin would tell him or Mike. That he had purposefully brought Levi here without preparing him meant that Erwin was playing a lone hand in this game. And Erwin always played solo when the game was at its most dangerous.

Why was he with this man again?

"So what is it then?" Levi asked in the uncomfortable silence.

Some of the noblemen turned to the King.

"Your Majesty?"

The rat-faced old man stirred. "Captain Levi has earned the title of humanity's strongest," he said finally, "and would no doubt contribute much to this discussion." He waved for a glass of wine. "Tell him."

Without further ado, Erwin took one of the empty chairs. Levi followed a split second later.

Another nobleman stood up from his seat right next to the the King. Must be an important noble, Levi mused darkly, noting his place at the table and his richly embroidered clothes. His voice booming in the room, the noble addressed them all. "So, for Captain Levi's benefit as well as some of the others," he glanced at the first noble, "let us recap what we discussed last time. Commander Erwin?"

Erwin was prepared, it seemed. "We have decided to implement a new Expedition outside the walls."

_We?_

"The scale of this expedition is our biggest yet. The recent fall of Wall Maria and the current Refugee Crisis which is expected to worsen, has compelled us to take this decision." Erwin was looking everywhere, at everyone but Levi. "It is to be a Reclamation Expedition."

"A what?" Levi couldn't hold it in.

Erwin finally looked at him, his face almost as dead as a corpse. "It is to reclaim Wall Maria."

_Reclaim? How? How the fuck-_

"How?" Levi demanded.

"By sending out a large force. The sheer number of combatants will ensure-"

"We don't have large numbers," Levi interrupted.

The booming noble spoke. "We can recruit more people."

"Yes," Levi said impatiently. "That's what the Training Corps is for. Even then, the recruits need three years to train-"

"We are lucky enough to have several thousands of able-bodied men and women who could fight for our cause."

Levi understood. He had understood the moment Erwin had looked at him. He had understood from the dull, polite faces of most of the nobles in the room. He fucking understood _everything_.

"You mean the refugees."

Some noblemen in the back fidgeted nervously.

The important noble shrugged and said casually, "I mean all the citizens of the Walls."

"From _all_ the Walls?" Levi asked him smoothly.

"The decision has already been approved by His Highness, the King," Erwin cut in. "All that remains now is to plan its execution."

Levi was suddenly aware of the gaze of every noble on his face. There was a certain amount of breathlessness in the air as everyone waited to see what the famous Captain Levi would say.

As for Levi himself, he wanted badly to tear that expressionless mask off Erwin's goddamn face and see what he really thought of this madness. He wanted to scream at these fat fucking hedonists, he wanted to cut open their heads and pour in all the misery, every single gory encounter that he'd had with death so they'd know what it _really_ meant. But no. He would not give those rich shitfaces the pleasure of reacting how they expected him to.

"So how is this recruiting going to go?" He asked. Many nobles sighed visibly with relief, others looked surprised at his calm demeanour. Only a few nobles and the King continued to look unconcerned.

But Levi only cared about Erwin, who of course, remained as impassive as ever. "That is what we intend to discuss today."

They set to it then, methodically and ruthlessly. Levi felt increasingly like a puppet, parroting Erwin's words or backing them up, as required. He felt as if it was someone else sitting at that grand table, saying words and agreeing to things he had never thought he would even consider.

He nearly snapped only once. The booming noble, who was running the conversation as much as Erwin was, said at one point, "I must say, Captain Levi's astute reasoning does put me in mind of something."

Levi directed his expressionless glare at him. He had a feeling that he would _not_ like what was coming.

"Regarding?" Erwin had a polite questioning look on his face, but Levi could see his extra firm grip on the papers in his hand.

The noble answered, "Well, the point about the Training Corps. We do have a prodigious number of trained individuals in that branch."

Levi didn't want to hear any further. "They're kids."

"They're soldiers in training." The noble shrugged. "They can handle themselves."

Levi leaned forward, pressing his hands on the table. "They're fucking kids," he growled. "And they're not completely trained."

Erwin shot him a warning glare, but Levi couldn't care less. This was _bullshit_.

The noble seemed willing to ignore his language. "Yes, I suppose the younger, fresher recruits are not ideal. But the third years… maybe even the second years would greatly add to the skilled numbers."

The man was talking of thirteen, fourteen year-olds. "I'm sorry, I don't think you heard me last time," Levi said flatly. "They're _kids_."

"Levi."

The noble, that fucking asshole, actually _smiled_. "Now, Captain Levi, it is quite heartening to see you worry. But, I assure you, there's no need for it. Since your induction into the Survey Corps was… _unconventional_ , I suppose it explains your ignorance in this matter."

Levi imagined to himself the noise that that man would make if he slit his throat then and there with the knife hidden in his boot. It was a pleasing sound and it calmed him. The noble continued smoothly, "But Commander Erwin, I'm sure, is well aware of the capability of these trainees."

Erwin answered almost reluctantly, "The recruits do have to have a certain skill set to advance that far in training."

"Exactly. They've dedicated their lives to our cause, after all. They will have the honour of serving humanity first hand!"

The senile King spoke at that moment. "True, very true," he mumbled.

"Your Majesty," Erwin said, "however trained those recruits are, they _are_ still children. A lot of families willingly send their children to be recruited. They would protest and cause trouble."

Levi breathed carefully through his nose, trusting Erwin to make the arguments. For these fuckwits, civil unrest seemed more of a concern than sending children to their deaths. _Un-fucking-believable_.

Several nobles began to mutter amongst themselves at that. The King, still looking as mild as ever, waved his hand airily. "Oh, that's not a problem. It's not like we haven't done this-"

"Your Majesty," barked the first noble who had protested against Levi's attendance, "Commander Erwin makes an important point. In the situation we are in right now, we must move _cautiously_."

Levi exchanged glances with Erwin, whose eyes were glimmering. Had the King just said what he thought he'd said?

 _Well, fuck_.

The King scratched his beard. "Oh yes, I agree. Quite."

There was a pause as everyone waited to see exactly what the King agreed with. When no other explanation was forthcoming, the booming noble took control of the conversation again. "Alright, we'll only take the really skilled ones. I believe there are some four hundred recruits in the third year at this moment. They will do. By this point, the recruits and their families must surely be reconciled to the dangers of their chosen profession. They would hardly protest at such an honour."

Erwin began, "I believe they are still-"

"Now, now, Commander Erwin. The expedition _needs_ these numbers as you're perfectly aware. It's either these recruits or," the noble shrugged, "we'll have to dip into our pool of veteran soldiers." He smiled then, a smile so manipulative and nasty that Levi felt a sudden urge to clean out his eyes and ears, to remove all traces of the man's presence from his senses.

"We have already determined the number of soldiers we will be allocating to the expedition." Erwin said tightly.

"Yes, and don't you think that it would be best to recruit more of those skilled in Titan slaying to bring up the numbers?"

Levi was itching to snatch the knife from his boot. _That fucking asshole-_

Erwin tapped a sheet of paper at his elbow. "I have already prepared the roster of soldiers from the Survey Corps."

"It's not necessarily _final_ , is it." The obnoxious man shrugged.

"I believe I already made clear the importance of keeping Survey Corps veterans closer to humanity in order to protect them."

One of the other nobles called out, "He's right, Danglars. We need to keep the best close to us."

Assholes, all of them. _Every single, fucking one-_

"Now, I'm not suggesting we send Captain Levi here," Danglars the noble laughed. "He's too valuable to us, after all. But I'm sure there are _some_ that can serve us better in the expedition."

A beat of silence.

"The Training Corps recruits will even out the numbers." Erwin gave in quietly. "They should suffice."

Danglars clapped his hands together. "It's decided, then." He shot a triumphant look at Levi.

With great difficulty, Levi managed to keep his deadpan expression. _I will rip you to pieces,_ he thought, directing his anger into his glare, _and slice you from ear to ear so slowly you'll wish_ _you were devoured by a Titan_.

Years of living a violent life had given Levi the advantage of looking as dangerous as he could be. The fat noble's smug look slipped off his face and he didn't look at or speak to Levi for the rest of the meeting.

It was a small, petty consolation. But Levi was a petty man indeed, and he managed to keep his humanity smothered by that pettiness until the meeting ended.

* * *

"I'd like to rip that man a new one," Levi spat venomously when they were back at the Survey Corps offices.

"Levi." There was a hint of warning in Erwin's tone. Levi snorted. "Don't worry. I can be as insolent as I please if I don't take names."

"Even so."

"Yes." Levi looked at Erwin speculatively. "You don't seem too upset. Were you pleased with how the meeting turned out?"

"Yes." Erwin's tone was as mild as ever, but his eyes glimmered almost maniacally.

Levi knew well enough by now to not question that look. So he didn't.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The inside of Levi's mind, as captivating as I imagine it must be, is probably a very violent place. He has also been in the SC for just over a year, so his thug instincts are still very much active.
> 
> The Underground is supposed to be right in the Centre of Wall Sina, so there is a very high chance that it is right under the Capital City. This explains why Levi said in the previous chapter that he didn't want to go "back". In the meantime, I imagine he's also been feted by the King when he earned his "Humanity's Strongest" title. This is why he has seen the King before.
> 
> None of the nobles have been named in canon. If you recognise where I got that nobleman's name from, good for you! It happened to be the book I was reading when I wrote this. :)
> 
> I am genuinely surprised that more fanfiction does not exist about the Reclamation Expedition. Guys, can you imagine how horrible it must have been? 250000 people were sent out to their deaths. Most of them led by the Survey Corps. I mean, Erwin has just been made Commander, and *this* is the first Expedition he gets to plan. Ugh.
> 
> So, one more chapter left. Let me know what you think of this one! Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is, the final chapter! Nice and long, because I love writing interactions between these two men!
> 
> Thanks for all the appreciation and happy reading! :)

 

* * *

_**Chapter III** _

"Fuck, I can breathe again." Levi sighed as the carriage finally rolled into their Headquarters in Trost. Neither man had spoken much during the journey, choosing only to talk of mundane things like "Goddamn you eat slowly, bet you were a pampered brat growing up," or, "No Levi, not _every_ inn has to have tea readily available," or "Why is it so fucking _bright_ outside?"

"I agree," Erwin sighed, too, gathering up his cases full of papers and reports. He waved away Levi's help. "I can manage." Then he glanced over Levi's shoulder with a strange look on his face. Levi turned around, and saw several of his comrades and subordinates approaching them.

"They have questions," Levi said quickly.

"I'm making an announcement tomorrow," Erwin muttered, then added abruptly, "Come to my quarters this evening." Without another word, without even waiting for Levi's nod, he strode away.

" _Well_ , here are the mighty heroes come home at last! How were your battles with the dreary, deadly nobility?" A smirk. "Did you even _meet_ any nobility?"

"Fuck off, Four-eyes."

* * *

Levi didn't drink. He wasn't an absolute teetotaler and he often drank when company demanded it. It was better to down a glass of whatever pisswater they were serving than having to face all the questions and the goading. But given a choice, a non judgemental one, he would rather abstain.

Erwin had once asked him why, and weirdly enough, Levi had told him the truth -he never got drunk anyway, so why waste time drinking something so vile as alcohol?

So when Levi walked into Erwin's room that evening and saw two glasses waiting next to an unfamiliar crystal bottle, he was surprised.

"Expecting company?" He asked, closing the door behind him.

"Only you."

Levi looked pointedly at the glasses.

"I'm sorry," Erwin sighed. "I know you don't like it, but… I could do with some company." He closed the book he was reading and sat at the table. "Drinking alone feels sad, somehow."

"Don't let Moblit hear you say that," Levi said and sat down opposite Erwin.

"I don't think Moblit would care."

"True enough."

Erwin unscrewed the bottle cap. "This is a rather special liquor. You might like it."

"I might not. It's alcohol."

"Stranger things have happened," Erwin smiled. Levi didn't like that smile. It seemed forced, somehow.

They were both silent as Erwin poured. They were silent when they picked up and raised their glasses in an unworded toast. They were silent as they took the first few sips.

"What is this thing?" Levi asked, out of curiosity and out of a desire to end the creepy silence.

"Do you like it?"

"It's… acceptable."

"It's scotch."

"Isn't that a type of whisky?"

Erwin smiled that horrid smile again. "Something like that."

Levi grunted and took another sip. It wasn't half bad, this scotch stuff. Very smooth, and left a pleasant aftertaste in the mouth.

"How expensive is this shit?"

"Extremely expensive."

"And you have it because…?"

"It was a gift for one of the older Commanders. It's easily over twenty years old."

Levi made a face. Erwin chuckled. "The more aged alcohol gets, the better it is, Levi."

"I've heard."

"Of course."

Silence again as they finished their drinks and poured themselves another glass of the stuff.

"You're angry," Erwin said suddenly.

Levi snorted. "I'm _always_ angry, Erwin."

"You're angry with me."

Damned observant bastard. Levi didn't say anything, and Erwin nodded, downing his drink. "I understand. I deserve it."

"Shut up, will you," Levi snapped.

"Why? Isn't it the truth?"

"Goddammit Erwin."

Erwin's mouth curved in a wry smile. This one was authentic enough to make Levi want to punch him in the face.

"I told you to shut up."

"I didn't say anything." Erwin continued to stare at him pointedly.

Levi let out a rough sigh and refilled their glasses. "Fine. I'm pissed. It'll pass."

"It doesn't have to." Erwin took his glass from Levi.

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Let it out," Erwin said quietly, and took a sip.

"What?"

"Yell at me. Scream. Hit me if you want."

"You're fucking crazy."

"I must be." Erwin smiled again, tiredly. "I'd have to be crazy to be going along with what they're planning."

"You didn't have a choice."

"Maybe." Erwin took a larger sip this time. "Actually, no. That's not true. I did have a choice. I had several choices and I've made my decision, but…" His voice petered away.

"What is it?" Levi had to fight to hide his concern.

"You don't think I've made the wrong choice?" Erwin finally looked at him then and his eyes were glimmering with so much emotion Levi was stunned into silence.

"I chose Nanaba and Keiji over children. I chose my men over hundreds of innocent young lives. How is that the right choice?"

Levi had to struggle to find words. "This isn't like you, Erwin. You never regret a decision you've made."

Erwin snorted softly and downed his drink again. "That's easier said than done, you know. This time…" He placed his glass on the table so forcefully Levi was afraid it would crack. "Like you said. They're fucking kids."

Erwin almost never swore. He had politesse hardwired into his behaviour. This was very, very unlike him. All of this.

"Enough." Levi said, slamming his glass down on the table with equal force. "If you're going to be all mopey and self-hating, leave me out of it. I have better things to do with my time."

Erwin stared at him for a long moment. "I'm sorry," he said finally.

Levi knew he was apologising for more than wasting his time, and snorted humorlessly. "Don't kid yourself, Erwin. You're saying you're sorry, but given the chance, you'd do it again. You'd make the same choice."

Erwin's blue eyes seemed to harden.

"Am I wrong?"

Erwin let out a harsh sigh. "No."

"Then what is the point of all this?" Levi demanded. "Drinking away your sorrows like a pathetic, low-rate drunkard. Tch."

Erwin's entire posture seemed to relax. "We all have our days," he said quietly.

"Sure."

"And you're wrong, you know."

"About what?"

"I'm not drinking to be sad. I'm drinking to celebrate."

Levi raised an eyebrow. "Nanaba and Keiji live?"

"That. And…" Erwin took a large sip of his drink, almost as if he was bolstering the courage. Levi waited.

"Did I ever tell you about my father, Levi?"

Levi assumed the question was rhetorical, because he knew Erwin was perfectly aware that he never spoke of his family.

"He was… a clever man."

"Shocking."

Erwin smiled again. "He was a schoolteacher, and a good one. I should know, I was in his class." He took another sip of his scotch and looked at Levi, almost speculatively. "You would have liked him, I think. And he would've liked you."

Levi rolled his eyes. "Is that relevant?"

"It is to me." They held each others' gaze for a long, uncomfortable moment. Levi looked away first. "Go on, then."

"He taught history, one of my favourite subjects. He somehow always made the lessons interesting. Fun." Erwin was smiling now, a smile so different and softer than his usual ones that Levi couldn't help staring. "School is almost never fun for children but my father made it possible." A small pause.

"One day, when we were discussing the Titans, I had a question that I thought was important. My father said he had no answer to that question and there the matter ended. Until I went home that evening and my father gave me an answer."

Erwin paused again to refill his glass. Levi noticed his hand was trembling slightly, but didn't say anything. His job, for now, was to just listen. Erwin took another big gulp of the alcohol before continuing. "I didn't stop to think why he did that. Why he answered me in the privacy of our home instead of in a public classroom. The next day, I told all my friends what he told me. The day after that, my father was dead."

The silence that followed was the most potent yet.

"So that's why." Levi said finally.

"I'm sorry?"

"I wondered why someone like you would join the Survey Corps."

"Now you know."

"Yes."

Erwin took another sip of his drink. Levi could bear it no longer, and blurted, "What was it then?"

"Mm?"

"What was your question?"

Erwin finished his drink and slowly placed the glass on the table. "Like I said, we were discussing Titans. The textbooks said all of humanity fled behind the walls. Beyond the walls remained only the Titans. Only death, and no other human left alive. My question was simple. How did they know that?"

"What?"

"How do we know, Levi, that there are no humans outside the walls? How do we know when we locked ourselves in and never went outside again? How?"

"I-" Levi stopped, stunned. How had he not thought of this? How had he just accepted this, all his miserable life?

"Back at the… meeting. In the Capital. The King said something." Erwin had that sudden mad glint in his eyes again, but his voice was still calm. "Tell me you heard it, Levi. Tell me you remember."

Levi heart was thundering. "I heard it. I remember."

"Do you remember the exact words?"

Levi knew Erwin wanted him to say it. That if Levi said it out loud, it wouldn't be something he imagined.

"We were talking of civil unrest. And the King said, 'It's not like we haven't done it-'"

"-before." Erwin finished the sentence. "That was what he was going to say. He was saying they had done it before."

"Done _what_ before?" Levi asked.

Erwin was quiet for a moment. "After school that day, my father told me about a theory he had. About humanity, about the strange gaps in our wisdom, our history, our… memories." A deep breath. "He said our memories were wiped."

" _What_."

"He said that he thought, he strongly believed, that humanity as a whole was made to forget. That there is too little we know, and too much we don't question about our past. That this kind of ignorance would be quite impossible without a nation-wide memory-wipe."

There was a heavy silence.

"Is that even possible?"

Erwin shrugged. "Who knows. But it best answers the questions that I had, that my father had. Hundred years is not nearly long enough for us to know so little, Levi. As ridiculous, as impossible as it sounds… it makes sense."

Levi suddenly felt hollow. "We were forcibly made to forget. That's the reality of our world."

"Well, _we_ weren't made to forget. You and I weren't." A sudden smirk. "At least, I should hope not. But our ancestors. Our grandfathers and their fathers. They most certainly were."

"And the King…"

"Would not have been so confident at the idea of a revolt. There has never been a revolt in our walled country, Levi. That is what we have been told, that is what we _believe_ , because we don't remember otherwise."

Silence again.

"Fucking hell." Levi mumbled finally.

"My feelings exactly," Erwin sighed and downed his drink.

"So what are you doing about it?"

Erwin stared at him over the rim of his empty glass. "What makes you think I _am_ doing something?"

"Aren't you?"

"Perhaps." Erwin fingered the rim of his glass pensively. "I… At the very least, I am trying. But it is not easy."

"I should think not," Levi snapped, massaging his temples. _Fuck_ , he was getting a headache. "Not after what happened with-" He stopped abruptly.

"Not after what happened to my father," Erwin nodded, his voice as calm, as composed as ever. "I must be careful. I have worked hard to get where I am and it won't do…" Levi saw his hands clench into fists, his knuckles blaring white. "I cannot let this opportunity pass. This position is a privilege, a stepping stone in my quest for the truth. I cannot afford to lose it."

Erwin looked almost normal as he spoke, sounded almost normal. But now, finally, Levi could see through the cracks, glimpse behind the mask that was almost permanently fixed on his face. Suddenly, Levi could see Erwin as a wide-eyed, curious child, tempered by grief and hatred and the ever-burning curiosity, growing into a man moulded to fit into the role that he wanted, that he fought tooth and nail for, and still, _still_ burning with that goddamn curiosity.

It knocked the breath out of his chest. He had never seen anyone like this man.

Erwin noticed his stare, and set his glass down. "Levi…?" He murmured.

 _Fuck_. "You should get some rest," he said abruptly and stood up. The screech of his chair made them both wince.

"Yes." Erwin stood up too, and suddenly, impossibly, swayed on his feet.

Erwin fucking Smith was _swaying_.

Levi had to bite back the laugh that threatened to burst forth his lips. "Holy fucking Walls, Erwin," he managed to whisper.

Erwin frowned delicately. "Ah. It appears I'm…"

"Drunk." Levi finished for him. Another laugh was quickly suppressed.

Erwin's frown deepened and he tried to take a step forward. Big mistake. Thanks to his quick reflexes, Levi was next to him in a flash, leaning some of his unsteady weight onto himself.

"I apologize," Erwin muttered, his enunciation still surprisingly normal. "This is -not what I-"

"Shut up, will you," Levi muttered and hefted Erwin's big beefy arm over his shoulder more securely. "I'm surprised you're still as lucid as you are, after all that drinking."

" _You're_ more lucid than I am," Erwin sighed as they trudged towards his bed. Levi glanced at him; he looked almost petulant.

So he smirked. "Told you. I don't get drunk."

"That's hardly fair." Yup, _definitely_ petulant. "You're much…" He stopped as Levi gently helped him onto his bed.

"Much…?"

"Nothing," Erwin said quickly. This was again, very, very new. He had never seen Erwin this flustered.

Levi wanted to say something smart to that, but before he could, Erwin raised his hand and gently placed it on his cheek, effectively stunning him into silence.

_Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhattheeverlovingfuck-_

"Thank you, Levi." Erwin murmured, his blue eyes seeming to bore into his own. "Thank you for… everything."

"I haven't done anything," Levi said gruffly, feeling heat spreading to his face. And yet, he didn't move away from Erwin's rough-skinned touch on his face.

"You came with me to Mitras. You -you supported me. You listened, just now." A small twitch of a smile and a calloused thumb stroked his cheekbone. "You put me to bed."

Levi felt his face burn hotter. "It was nothing," he growled, and looked away. He couldn't bring himself to look into those blue fucking eyes anymore. " _Nothing_."

He leaned back and straightened up, and Erwin's hand dropped to his side. "You're quite wrong," he said quietly.

Levi still couldn't look at him. "Then let's agree to disagree," he mumbled. "Anything else?"

A strange look passed over Erwin's features. Like -sadness and disappointment. Whatever. Fuck, he didn't care what it was.

"Well…"

"What is it?"

"Unless you're intending to turn in for the night."

Levi crossed his arms tighter over his chest, nervous energy washing over him. "I might," he said uncomfortably.

Erwin now looked profoundly speculative. One of his more familiar looks. "There _is_ some paperwork I need help with…"

Unexpected relief swept over Levi and some of his nervousness abated. What the hell had he been afraid of?

"I'll do it."

Erwin nodded. "It's on that table." He nodded toward his desk and Levi went to it immediately.

When he saw the stack of papers, he paused. All of them seemed to deal with their meeting in Mitras and the hellish plan they had discussed.

"The manifestos need to be cross-referenced. And the calculations tallied." Levi glanced back at Erwin and saw the exhaustion in his face. He looked like a living contradiction, hair in place but clothes disarrayed, perfect speech and yet desperate, drunk eyes. The despair from earlier in the evening was seeping back into the air.

 _Shit_.

"I'll do it," Levi muttered again.

"You don't have to do all of it-"

"I said I'll do it, Erwin," he snapped. "Fucking go to sleep already."

Erwin leaned back into his pillow without another word. Levi sat at the desk and pulled a sheaf of manifestos towards him. There was silence for a few minutes, quiet and calming. Then Erwin's muffled voice came from his bed, "Are you still angry with me?"

Levi rolled his eyes, but didn't look away from the papers. "Good night, Erwin."

He could almost hear the smile in his voice. "Good night, Levi." And then, a softer murmur that sounded suspiciously like, "Thank you."

Levi didn't reply.

It took him three more hours to finish up the work. When he finally stood up, the papers neatly arranged on the desk, Erwin was clearly fast asleep, the room filled with the sound of his heavy breathing.

He was drawn irresistibly to his Commander's bedside. Levi stood there for a long moment, watching him sleep, his lined face calmer and somehow softer than he had ever seen it.

Erwin Smith had been a puzzle, an unfathomable man for a long time. Now, he was finally, finally allowed a glimpse at the real man, at what made him tick and what really went on behind that stone-like, commanding presence.

Levi wasn't sure what to think of him anymore. But his face right now while he slumbered, as innocent and peaceful as a child, seemed more real to him than any mask he had ever seen on him before.

Gently, without thinking about it, Levi reached out and smoothened a few errant strands of blond hair off his face. His fingers lingered but for a moment -one long, quiet moment where everything was simple and nothing was sad. He thought absently that there was no trace left of the impulse to punch that symmetrical face.

Then, almost regretfully, he withdrew his hand, straightened up, and walked out of the room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Guys, this is literally the most romantic I have written these two together. If you're wondering why they're not more... demonstrative, here are my reasons/headcanons:
> 
> 1\. As I mentioned before, this is still early on in Levi's role as a soldier. They're still getting to know each other. I'd like to think that this is the first time Erwin is being so candid with his feelings.
> 
> 2\. I also have this headcanon that Levi is asexual, given his early childhood with his mom, and then growing up in a place as morally depraved as the Underground. Then there's the fact that Kenny, of all people, taught him his social cues, and then just up and left him. He probably is not comfortable with physical intimacy, and I have made all this factor into his sexuality. This is just my own headcanon, though, you can totally go ahead and put his hesitation down to his nervousness. :)
> 
> 3\. I can't write smut to save my life lol.
> 
> Isayama also confirmed in an interview that Levi doesn't or rather, can't get drunk.
> 
> It's never mentioned exactly how long Erwin's father had to endure being the MP's captive. I just couldn't make it longer than a day, which is bad enough. *shudders*
> 
> So there you have it! Some nice Eruri tenderness to end this godforsaken year with.
> 
> Thanks a lot for reading, and as always, do let me know what you think!


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